I had a nightmare where a snake was chasing me down the street. It had legs from what I can remember. I awoke around 1:30 and couldn’t go back to sleep. All I thought about was the snake and my job. They correlate. So now I can’t focus on what’s in front. I wander like a zombie and feel like one too.

I applied for another position yesterday but doubted I was qualified. These companies want experience, yet they’re not willing to train. How is anyone going to learn anything when all they’re looking for is someone who has learned already? Where does one start when beginning a new job? This is the worst that life has to offer: searching for a job. I wish it was over, but I have no choice. I’m not making enough money to live. You would think full-time employment these days would support anyone but such isn’t the case. They wave their flag of diversity yet pay someone scraps. It doesn’t make much sense. These job sites offer nothing but positions in which I have experience, but I don’t want that experience any longer.

I’m going back to work today after taking three days off because of my left hand and how I can barely pull my cell phone out of my pocket. That’s how they expect me to work. The doctor still hasn’t called me back to set an appointment. I have a feeling he won’t. Maybe it’s because of the possibility of worker’s comp, and he wouldn’t want to get involved. I don’t know. It’s just a guess. I could be negative, and he will call to set one up.

All I do know is this isn’t the way I can function. They’ve dumped a bunch of work on me after I was gone for three days. It isn’t right because other employees had been off for about a week, and everyone had to work their cases. Yet I took a few days off because of a medical emergency, and my cases were untouched. The amount of work has grown and left me buried. Where’s the sense in that?

And then there’s the pay, which makes the least sense of all. They promised me a certain salary but I saw from the last two paychecks that I was being paid significantly lower than before. Now it’s below living standards. Call me cynical, but I don’t subscribe to people’s words when they say that I have to find my calling, or that I need to go soul-searching. I can look for those things for the rest of my life and still come up short. Why, I’ve been doing that already for many years and have never come close to finding any semblance of a soul, and I can look for my calling all I want but may never find it for the rest of my life when all that’s left is a job that overworks and underpays. I thought I was getting a promotion, but not even close.