I used to celebrate Cinco de Mayo as a drinker. Now I think it’s a superfluous holiday. Is today an excuse in America to go drinking, just like St. Patrick’s Day? I won’t sit here and bitch about appropriation. I’m not that kind of person. You may do whatever you please as long as it’s lawful. But I don’t laugh at a drunk person wearing a sombrero and a fake mustache, who’s insulting Mexican culture. You may drink tequila on this holiday. There’s no problem with that. I’ll stick with chips and salsa and listen to the trumpets blare from the mariachi bands.

I don’t remember any gorgeous times on Cinco de Mayo because I blacked out as an alcoholic. There isn’t much to recall anymore after the blackouts. I just know that I hung out with my former drinking friends at a bar on Sunset Boulevard in Hollywood. It might’ve actually been called Cinco de Mayo if I’m not mistaken. We drank margaritas and ate nachos. None of us were disrespectful enough to wear a sombrero, thank God.

I don’t talk to those friends anymore. They were only useful for drinking. Once I stopped, there was nothing else I was able to do with them. Isn’t it sad? They’ve all moved away from California. So now I’m stuck in my forties, sober, with no one to hang out with anymore.

Anyway, there isn’t much to say about this holiday. Mexico beat the French in the 1800s. That’s all there is to know. I didn’t realize it, but it’s celebrated more in the U.S. Americans will find any reason to get drunk.

I’m going to walk down the strip in Palm Springs today and pass multiple Mexican restaurants. All of them will be crowded with mariachi bands playing and people drinking margaritas and laughing until they pass out.