I went to Circle K last night to pick up some candy, and my eyes came across bottles of Oreo-flavored Coke Zero. Who the hell thought of that idea? I bet a marketing rep was eating out of an Oreo container one night and drinking Coke Zero to reduce sugar when the thought came to him. He’d been drinking Coke Zero and eating Oreos together for a long time and feeling pressure to come up with something new to present to the Ops Director. You know what? I love this combination so much, more so than Oreos and Vitamin D milk. I’m going to pitch this to the Ops Director. Somehow the Ops Director said yes.

I’ve seen some weird soft drink concoctions, but nothing like this. It’s sad when someone eats a whole Oreo container, that big container wrapped in film around the tray, as sad as someone eating a whole pizza by himself. We’ve all done that, we’re embarrassed to admit.

Now as an adult, I’m not the soft drink aficionado I used to be. Give me a regular Coca-Cola on occasion. I used to drink anything sugary and carbonated, even those orange soft drinks like Sunkist, but now I find most of them disgusting. Never in my life when I was a kid did I imagine an Oreo-flavored Coca-Cola. But now there are several weird sodas on the market. Not to mention it’s part of the Coke Zero campaign which I don’t recommend to anyone watching their sugar intake. I would steer them towards Perrier any day unless they enjoy Robitussin.

But it appears Coca-Cola has outdone itself. They’ve run out of ideas. Marketing reps need to come up with something or else they’ll have nothing to do. How about Nacho Cheese Doritos flavored Coke? Who hasn’t eaten Doritos with Coca-Cola? We all have. It’s one of the most popular junk food combinations in America. They might as well put out a flavor like that.