It’s Saturday. Oh, what a Saturday. I played tennis with the ball machine and my mother after a rough week of work, after they laid off six people, and I remain like it’s musical chairs or something. I’ve worked for them for twenty years but not really. The company was sold to another company. So in reality, I worked for two companies, and the newer company is like the Death Star in Star Wars.

By the way, I’ve been thinking a lot about spaceships in movies or TV shows, even in books. Don’t they have a bathroom? And if they do, wouldn’t they suffer from bad plumbing, such as the toilet overflowing? I’m sure at some point Darth Vader has to take a piss, or the other form of relief that I really can’t write on here because there’s a picture of a delicate flower up above. Anyway, there has to be a plumber onboard the Death Star or the other spaceship in Star Wars that’s shaped like a slice of pizza called the Executor Super Star Destroyer, which sounds like a name an eight-year-old made up. Might as well call it the Space Destroyer Thingy. But yes, a plumber must be onboard. But if he isn’t, he must be nearby, perhaps on another spaceship, waiting for a job because he’s most likely an independent contractor who must submit a 1099 to whoever. I don’t think the IRS is in space, but I wouldn’t put it past them. And I would think if he couldn’t fix the plumbing in the Death Star, then Darth would’ve given him the Jedi mind chokehold to his death. Goodbye, Mr. Plumber.

I’m sure the Death Star has had to go through renovations multiple times, but they don’t show that in the Star Wars movies. We just assume that the construction workers, who live off of Big Gulps from 7-11, worked on building this massive spaceship that hangs in space like a planet. That or they built it on the closest habitable planet before the Death Star took off to outer space somehow. I can’t picture that large moon-shaped object fitting on another planet and having rocket fuel or the proper aerodynamics to take off. Not to spoil it for anyone who hasn’t seen it, but in Return of the Jedi the Death Star is a little over half there because it blew up. I forgot what happened. It has been decades since I’ve watched those movies. But parts of it are gone from what I can remember. The good Jedis, in their spaceplanes called the Jedi starfighters, shot lasers at the Death Star to make it explode. And the Death Star can shoot lasers of its own. Why would a behemoth space station such as that shoot little lasers at the spaceplanes? You would think it would shoot space cannonballs from a space cannon, and they detonate when they make contact with one of those starfighters or anything really.

There could be other internal problems with the Death Star besides the plumbing. What happens when the power goes out? Is there an electrician nearby who can fix it? And what about the ginormous bill for electricity or water when Darth has to take a shower? Who’s paying for it? The emperor? And how difficult is it for Darth or Anakin to remove his armor before washing himself? He needs the helmet with the mask to breathe, so Darth must take showers with the helmet on. What a ridiculous visual.

These questions run through my mind as I’m watching any space movie or television show which takes place in another galaxy. For instance, Star Trek. There are so many episodes and movies, and I never once saw Captain Kirk taking a bathroom break. I assume there’s a toilet and shower in the USS Enterprise. They spend way too much time in the control room. These are just random thoughts on a lazy Saturday, and I wish I had these thoughts more often.