I had the chance yesterday to write about the celebrated movie franchise Friday the 13th, but it slipped my mind. This blog isn’t all about inner turmoil. Sometimes it’s about praise, and I give it to Jason Vorhees and some of the greatest slasher films ever made. Who could deny their resonance?

I discovered the third film on HBO, the first of the series I saw in the eighties when Jason Vorhees chased a bunch of teenagers through the woods in Crystal Lake. He ran after a pretty girl with his machete, I believe, and her boyfriend jumped in his way. Jason squeezed his head until his eyeballs popped out. At that point, I was hooked at about eight years old. It probably scarred me for life, and now I’m suffering from childhood trauma, but I can’t deny the impact it has left on me.

Don’t get me wrong. If I’m channel surfing and one of the movies is playing, I’ll most likely skip over it now that I’m older. But I must admit its power over me when I was young. HBO used to show all the sequels. I loved seeing Jason wearing his hockey mask. But before he wore it, he covered his face with what looked like a potato sack in the first two films. He looked ridiculous. By the third film, he found a hockey mask. Don’t ask me where one be lying in Crystal Lake. Maybe there was a hockey rink nearby that I didn’t know of, and a hockey team played there like the Crystal Lake Beavers or something. Nevertheless, he took it and ditched the potato sack to murder teenagers, camp counselors, and drifters.

The fourth film starred the renowned Corey Feldman of Goonies fame. Why he chose to act in it is anyone’s guess. I don’t remember Jack shit from the film except Jason drowning from being chained to a motorboat, I think. Don’t take my word for it because, like I said, the childhood trauma from watching those films has made me repress memories.

This led to the fifth film where not even Jason Vorhees was the killer. A paramedic was. It’s a mystery why the auteur of that specific sequel made that decision. But Part Five had some of the greatest kills. I judge Friday the 13th movies by that. And who could argue against Jason cutting someone’s eyes out with a weed whacker and popping a guy’s skull against a tree with a belt?

In the sixth film, Jason comes back to life somehow after drowning in the lake in the fourth film. The writers must’ve run out of ideas by then to make him supernatural after however many times Jason was resurrected in the lake. The only scene I think I remember from that film was a dude who got stabbed to death in a Port-a-Potty. What a disgraceful way to go.

And then things got really ridiculous in the seventh installment, when Jason went head-to-head against a teenage girl with telekinetic powers. Her mind could hurl objects at someone. Somehow she murdered Jason in the end with her ability.

I stopped watching those sequels by the eighth one. I think it was Jason Takes Manhattan. Oh boy. How did Jason get there? I think Crystal Lake might be somewhere in New Jersey if I’m not mistaken. West Virginia would make more sense. Either way, Jason had to have traveled to Manhattan through some form of transportation other than by foot, which would’ve been a long journey. I can’t imagine him standing on the side of the highway, jutting his thumb out for a ride as a hitchhiker. And I certainly wouldn’t imagine a driver picking him up when he sees the hockey mask and the machete. Jason could’ve also taken the bus with many other passengers. It would be the same situation. What bus driver would allow Mr. Vorhees onboard? And where would Jason find the coins to insert into the coin machine at the front of said bus? Who would sit next to him?

The ninth sequel was called Jason Goes to Hell, which sounds even more absurd than him going to Manhattan because now Jason, I assume, faces off with Satan. My money is on Satan. Maybe someday I’ll follow my curiosity if it’s burning enough.

And finally, the tenth film is Jason X, the worst of all. I caught glimpses of that film as I was surfing by. And yes, Jason was on a spaceship. Don’t ask me how. He snuck onboard and cut a guy’s body in half. That was all I saw.

So those are the Friday the 13th movies. I believe I’ve described enough. But as a bonus, I must bring up the movie Freddy Vs. Jason, where Mr. Vorhees challenges the horror movie icon Freddy Krueger. For those readers who are unfamiliar with him, Freddy was burned alive on Elm Street in some unknown town and came back to life in teenagers’ dreams. Don’t ask why teenagers are so targeted for murder. They’re the prey in most horror films. Anyway, Jason and Freddy square off, which means Jason has to go to sleep, right? I don’t know about you, but I can’t picture Jason counting sheep. What does he do? Does he retire for the day after slashing a bunch of horny teenagers and lie back on his cot near the lake with his mask still on? “Yep yep, another long day of decapitations, and I’m bushed. Time to get some shut-eye.” We must all just assume Jason is awake around the clock. I do.

But those are my opinions on this movie franchise. Friday the thirteenth comes around rarely like an eclipse. When it’s here, I gotta mention some of the greatest films of my youth.